13 year old self

"i think sometimes i fight to stay my 13 year old self. the one that doesn't realize what she thinks is cool really isn't. i get so down because everyone just wants to fit in. whats so great about fitting in? then everyone is the same. why even exist if you want to be the same as everyone else?

i dont know. i just don't get it. and i kind of hate that people think im the weird one because i like chunky bracelets and cutting my own hair. what the fuck. why does it matter to them? can't we all just express ourselves however we feel we need to? maybe one day every single person will do exactly what they feel they need to do to become more whole within themselves.

i hate having to fight the man just to be myself. it seems it should be the opposite way. it should be weird to copy what everyone else is wearing and thinking and doing. it is if you think about it. but perhaps my view of this only proves my unwillingness to form to societal stereotypes that are pushed upon me.

the saddest part about it is that it is incredibly hard and difficult to find yourself in the first place. we search and search to find out who we are. and once we know, instead of basking in the wonderfulness of it, we put on the sameness outfit, haircut, jewelry, car, home, family, lifestyle, religious beliefs, etc. because if we don't, we are the weird ones."

apollo is teething, it's true. i can see those two little nubs on his bottom gum. this makes for a very cranky, restless sleeping apollo and very tired momma k. so, as i am so exhausted, i copied a message i wrote to a friend and posted it on my blog. sorry no original thoughts for the blog today.